By Monday Japhet Emo
Politics like liqueur sips into our veins in tiny droplets and takes control of our thinking faculties then it takes charge of the mouth and the control is absolute. Politicians know this very well that is the major reason they fight for our hearts through vile propaganda and coin all sorts of phrases to get the attention of the masses.
This theory was propounded by a brilliant professor of political and analytical science (political science, forget the fancy name), while we were sipping Tombo (palm wine) in a shack in Osun State.As he took us through allegorical illustrations we could not help but marvel at the brilliance of the man simply known as Prof. Ajao. We saw firsthand, how political actors and their actions have affected our reasoning, how Nigerians have been badly fractured between the ruling People’s Democratic Party and “All People’s Congress”. Even in their names, they are struggling for the minds of the “people” as both of them clearly have “P” for people in the names of their political parties.
The question that begs the answer is who are the people? Well, the answer is for another day. Presently we are gathered in Ile- Ife, Osun State, a town with rich mythical and mystical allure, adoringly described as “the source” in the pantheon of Yoruba mythology. Our gathering has nothing to do with the August gubernatorial election but everything to do with mending fences, yes fences.
The ethos of our association has been bridged, as three splinter groups have emerged. The first group, a group of politicians (jobbers) proposed that the years preceding elections are the best times for associations to make money, they put forth a compelling argument. They asked rhetorically if drunkards can continue to guzzle the booze without money. Non-partisanship according to them was playing the ostrich as the imprimatur of some of us are recognizable in the two major political parties. Unable to rein them in, they went ahead to form Certified Drunkards Forum-CDF.
The zealots amongst us particularly the ones that openly profess faiths that condemn the consumption of alcohol, have not been happy with the activities of WDF as they claim we have been too visible in the public sphere in the last two years, this seeming visibility is bringing public scrutiny to the membership of a forum that consumes what is forbidden in their respective religious bodies. Again, they immediately registered a body with a queer name- Sacred Waters of Faith-SWF.
A group of over pampered celebrities (honestly, I don’t know what they celebrate in some), professionals, who deem themselves upwardly mobile, academics who have traversed the continents and some CEOs banded together to found-National Progressive Spirit, NPS- they have been looking for ways to distance themselves from what looks to them like the classless society Karl Marx once dreamt of, they could not fathom why they should click glasses with people who have never read a book or made a million, so they have their exclusive club.
Two and half hours of fruitless deliberation made us agree that despite our differences they are still drunkards and are still part of the World Drunkard Forum, even if they are now free to drink according to their pockets or class, or religious obligation, inclination, affiliation or pretense-drink in secret.In the preceding days, we have seen a lot of cross carpeting, flying carpets and carpet bagging as drunkards jostle for relevance in the political space. One lesson we have learnt from our troubles is, people don’t remain apolitical for too long especially as they get close to politician. Politics is infectious just like corruption, sanctimonious jabber does not change much of what politics in Nigeria is.
The grand old Drunkard without Borders set out to inspect Port facilities, as we were on the verge of receiving machinery and tools to set up a brewery and market our brands DW-beer and DF spirits.
Nigeria’s premier Port at Apapa was our destination. For two and half hours, the coaster bus conveying us stood still, trailers laden with containers bordered us to the right while tankers laden with different petroleum products were to our left, motor cycles popularly known as okada and tricycles-Keke NAPEP were in a stiff competition who can meander between trailers, trucks and tankers the most, who has the most daring skill of zigzagging in front of moving vehicles while maintaining balance. The yellow buses (danfo) were on hand to give us a command display of bumper-to-fender driving, timed acceleration and braking at short intervals, area boys were on hand to give directions to those who can afford their fees on the best way to cross the gullies and make shift bridges they created. A mass crowd of soulless Nigerians with sunken eyes trudged on, trekking to who knows where, probably tired of sitting in a bus without movement of more than a metre, they looked determined to make it to work, their faces seem to say, “Bring on the suffering what have we not seen?”
Then the blame games started, the Lagos State government says it is a federal road and the inefficiencies of the ports that has caused the nightmarish gridlocks, I had a few drunken questions for the Governor whether the people working in Apapa do not pay tax-PAYE to the state or Lagos State government has not been collecting different levies from tankers and trailers? The tank farms that have become ubiquitous within Apapa and its environs, were they not given signed deeds and C of O? The blame trading has begun, palliative measures will soon be strewn together as a cosmetic make over to ameliorate the suffering of the “people” found in both PDP and APC but the deeper problems remain, we have learnt firsthand what the political gladiators have done to the psych of Nigerians. Until we realize that PDP and APC are both cough syrups in different bottles we will continue drinking two different brand labels for a cough that could as well be a symptom of a deeper malaise, without realizing that both syrups cannot be the cure for tuberculosis.
